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One reader asks:
i have family that live in india... one
cousin calls me up in february and says" do u have e-mail...
we'll keep in touch very often... but now he doesnt write
to me and wants me to keep writing...i used to write to him
at his work e-mail...why do people do that to you...every
time i ask my mom to call india, she says "why? they
dont care about us." even if they dont call us, does
that mean they dont care about us? my cousin brother keeps
saying he does care and love me but he doesnt show it... when
i was in india, he left his job early to pick my mom and i
from the airport, then the next day he told another cousin
of mine to take care of me during my visit, then he arranges
us a driver to take us to rishikesh... then he comes home
to say good-bye to us during his lunchtime on my last day
in india, then he calls me for raksha bandhan and for my birthday...
would u say he's doing that for the sake of doing it or because
he loves and cares for me... please help me out...i also need
your opinion, do u think my aunts, uncles and cousins care
for me and miss me... they say they do but my mom says they
dont... they say things but they never show it... would there
be a way of knowing that people mean what they say and dont
mean what they say.
bye,
priya
Dear Priya,
If you asked me to answer your questions
in two words, I would say keep writing. Your cousin probably
does care about you and sincerely wants to keep in touch with
you. He may be very busy at work and therefore not able to
write back as often or in as much detail as you would like.
If you keep the communications lines open, you will ensure
that he will too. Your Mom is most likely saying that he "doesn't
care" because she doesn't want you to get your feelings
hurt, when he does not respond to you.
You have to remember that maintaining any relationship can
be difficult. So, when you are in the U.S. and he is India,
the distance and time difference make it even more trying
to communicate. This is a good lesson in maintaining relationships....always
extend your arms and good things will follow.
Take care and remember keep in touch,
Abha
About Abha:
"I've had many a conversation with friends about the meaning
of life. Also, I am a first generation Indian American who
grew up in the U.S., trying to figure out the never ending
question of how to live in two cultures, be a daughter, sister,
wife, daughter-in-law, working woman, woman of the house and
be a cool social chick. Oh yeah, I have a M.A. in Organizational
Pyschology."
Need a little advice? Think of Abha, who's been through it, and
is ready to help. E-mail your questions to dearabha@tworoots.org.
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