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Need a little advice? Think of Abha, who's been through it, and
is ready to help. E-mail your questions to dearabha@tworoots.org.
Dear Abha,
I met Sameer about 6 months ago, and we have been going out ever
since. I really like him and am trying to decide if this is really going to be something
serious. If it is, I would want to introduce him to my parents and meet his family.
We are just at that stage where we have had such an amazing six
months, but if we are going to get serious, we want to make sure that we don’t have any
hang-ups about each other.
I have noticed that Sameer seems equally curious and uncomfortable
about my previous relationships. I think it bothers him that I have dated before, even though
the fact he has an ex-girlfriend doesn’t bother me at all. How can I work this out with him
so that it’s not an issue any more?
Thanks, Lila
Dear Lila,
My first piece of advice for you is to make sure
that you are both on the same page with regards to being on tlhe
brink of “being serious” and discuss with him what that means. Open
communication is always good.
As for Sameer’s curiosity about your previous relationships, I would
offer the following: First, it is good to be curious about your boyfriend’s previous
relationships. You should know something about each other’s history and be safe about
getting tested together for sexually transmitted diseases so that health is not an issue,
especially if you guys are “getting serious” in that way. Second. Okay, now that you have
that off your mind, let’s talk about what these past relationships really mean. Ask yourself
whether he is being overly possessive or traditional with his double standard. You should
definitely not feel ashamed in any way about your past. Ask yourself why he feels insecure
about this subject, and figure out if it can be solved with a simple cure, a little
reassurance. If you sense it could be a bigger issue, and if he is jealous and suspicious
about your current friends, I would reconsider the relationship.
Finally, you should know that your past relationships have taught
you valuable lessons about how to manage your current one. Remind him that they have made
you what you are. Be sincere, stay true to yourself, and be proud.
Abha
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